Writing a Memoir, Writing a Biography | Write Your Memoir

Yesterday, we visited the Jewish Community Center of MetroWest in Whippany, New Jersey, to see “Family by Family,”  an exhibit of multi-generational family portraits of Jewish families from Newark, New Jersey. I was sorry there was no docent-led tour. Without it, the people in the photos didn’t come to life. We were just looking at family albums of people we don’t know.

I wonder how many family portraits amount to just that: photos of people you don’t know. Without first-hand descriptions, there’s no way to know the people in the photos. What did their laughs sound like? What did their kitchens smell like? How did they do their hair?

My great-grandmother Belle Gott (b 1875 d 1956) wrote the briefest of memoirs about her parents. ”My Folks and I” is only three pages long. But I know my great-great grandparents because Belle describes them in physical terms. Of her father she says,  ”It was always a joy to hear my father’s rich deep voice, to catch the sound of his whistled tune as he returned from work. I believe it is a happy man who comes home whistling.” Of her mother she says: ”Her eyes were that perfect blue to complement her spouse’s dark ones. She was fair, with brown wavy hair, but she lacked the strong teeth, such as father had. She had much dental trouble and finally resigned herself to a toothless old age, and matched it with a halo of silvery wavy, bobbed hair.” Belle says they both sang and hummed as they worked, something I do all the time.  “You get your singing from them,” says my husband.

Want an easy way to write a memoir? Pick a photo of an important person in your life and describe him or her using your five senses (see, hear feel, taste, smell). You’ll bring the person to life in a way the photo never can. Here are some questions to ask:

1. What color hair? What color eyes? Tall? Short? Stocky? Thin?

2. What did these look like: Feet? Hands? Walk? Stance?

3. What did this person sound like: Voice? Intonation? Accent?

4. Characteristic speech? Favorite words or expressions?

5. Views? Attitudes? Contradictions?

Let me know how this memoir tip works for you.

Seeing a mom and pop store on a corner is a memory trigger for me. The other day, I noticed the corner GE appliance store in nearby Caldwell, New Jersey, has windows full of “going out of business” signs. That triggered a memory for me of the corner candy store across from my elementary school in Schenectady, New York.

It was a candy and comic book store which catered to us kids. The first time I bought myself a treat–all by myself–was in that store. It was probably a Milky Way bar. I remember saving up coins from my allowance, taking them to school, crossing the street, and going into the store. Buying the candy was something to look forward to at dismissal time at 2:50.

Several years ago, I was in Schenectady and found my old school by accident. At that time, the store, which looked like a bodega, was still there. But it’s gone now. The display windows are boarded up. It seems to be just a home now.

Things change, but sensory triggers bring back memories. Music is a memory trigger. Tastes and sounds are too. When my husband, Evan Marshall, smells honeysuckle, he thinks of the terrible allergies he had as a kid.

What are your memory triggers? It’s easy to miss them, so keep some paper with you. Write them down. (“Seeing that store reminds me of…”) Even if you’re not sure, write it down. Keep the piece of paper in your pocket.  

Why write a memoir? I’ve asked many people who have written one or tried to write one.  Here are a few of their answers:

“I want them to know ‘the real me,’ to know I had an interesting, adventuresome life.”

“To understand my life by looking backward.”

“To write something for myself.”

“I want to talk about all the fun we had.”

“I want to get something on paper.”

“I grew up in a Ukrainian/Russian neighborhood in Rochester, New York, which no longer exists. I wanted my kids and grandkids to know what that life was like.”

“To inspire other immigrants to come out of their difficulties.”

“To capture the stories, but not in a lot of depth.”

“To write the story of my grandfather’s tragic death.”

That last answer was mine. Now it’s your turn. Why do you want to write a memoir?

“I have so many fun things I’d rather be doing than writing a memoir,” a frustrated memoirist told me. “I want to have done it [the memoir], but I don’t want to spend a lot of time  on it.”

That got me thinking about narrowing the scope of a memoir to small, concrete details. It’s counter-intuitive, but sometimes the most mundane details are the most interesting. Your favorite meal when you were a child. Sayings your mother said often. How you used to spend your day. How you got around when you were a kid.

My grandmother,  Helen Jewett,  wrote in her autobiography that the day she and my grandfather got married, they caught an overnight train from Wichita, Kansas, to Thayer, Missouri. They got a flat tire on the way to Wichita and were so late, they almost missed the train.

A porter saw them, stopped the train, and said, “I was expecting you, but thought you’d decided to get on at the flag stop down the way.” They jumped on the train, all out of breath. The next day, they took the mail truck from Thayer to Thomasville, Missouri. 

What everyday detail to you remember fondly? Why don’t you put it on paper?